Mission: Drunk Story Teller

A old Elvaan/Elzeen is siting in one of the table of the bar. He laughs loudly letting his strong drunken stench escape his mouth. You try to pass by the table to reach the tavern bar when he suddenly he lets his hand rest on your shoulder while pulling you close to his table. He laughs as he holds you strongly and says "Hey you, my friend, why not telling me a joke?" To satisfy him and escape his grasp you tell the first Final Fantasy XI joke that comes to your mind . . .

Mission: Drunk Story Teller
Description: Tell the old drunk fool a FFXI or FFXIV related Joke
Post Limit per person: none
Achievement: Malboro's Bad Breath Repellent Needed

Example:

A Bastokan, San d'Orian, Windurstian and Jeunoan are on an airship. The Bastokan suddenly throws an Iron Ore off the side of the ship.
"Hey, what'd you do that for?" asks the Jeunoan.
"Where I come from, we've got too many of those," replies the Bastokan.
Then the San d'Orian throws an Orcish Axe over the edge.
"Why'd you do that?" asks the Jeunoan.
"Where I come from, we've got too many of those," replies the San d'Orian.
The Windurstian then throws a Yagudo Necklace over the edge.
"Too many of those?" asks the Jeunoan.
The Windurstian nods.
Suddenly the Jeunoan grabs a nearby high level Dragoon seeking party and throws him over the edge. The Bastokan, San d'Orian, and Windurstian stare blankly at the Jeunoan.
"What? Where I come from, we have too many of those," says the Jeunoan.

A hume and an elven are talking with each other about the overpopulation of dragoons that have sprang up recently.
"There's just too many Dragoons," the hume says
"We're fine in San'd'Oria, the Dragoon population couldn't be lower." The elven says proudly.
"How'd you do it?" The hume asks in desperation.
"Its simple really, we told em Ranparre's dragon is unclaimed in his tomb."

One sunset in Ghelsba Outpost the Cola-cola made a surprise meeting. It looked at the Cheiroptera and Spectacle bats and shook its head in disappointment."I should kill you all," he said angrily,"But I am merciful, and so I will only kill your commanders." It turned its eyes to the Furies and shouting commanded," there will be a tournament, the one that kills more enemies will stay alive."

The Furies panicked hearing this news. The first of the Furies is sent and comes back one hour later. It's Mouth was covered all in blood as it dripped down it chin. The Cola-cola looked at it proudly,"well how it went?" he asked.

The Fury points down to the hut midway Ghelsba Outpost," See that Hut over there?"

"Yes I see it," answered the Cola-cola.

"Well, I went there and killed three adventurer that were sitting inside"

The Cola-cola nods smiling," well done," he said and sent off the second Fury. In 30 min it comes back with its head covered in blood. The Cola-cola looked at it impressed and asks," How it went?"

The Fury points down the Ghelsba Outpost towards an outpost in west Ronfaure,"You see that outpost over there?"

The COla-cola nods rubbing it's chin

"I went there and killed a party of six adventurers that were resting there"

The Cola-cola claps proudly," very well done," it said and sent off the third and last Fury. Five minutes later the Fury returns cover in blood from head to toes. The Cola-cola opened its eyes astonished and asked eagerly, "Wow, how did you do?"

The Fury looked at the Cola-cola and then turned pointing south,"do you see that mountain over there?"

The Cola-cola nods," yes I do"

The Fury answers," Well I didn't"

((Galka Joke Time!!!!))

A Tarutaru, a Elvan, and a Galka were in a difficult predicament. The Beastmen had captured them and they were about to be sacrifice. One of the beastman walked quietly towards them and whispered," I can get you out but each one of you have to give me something valuable."

The tarutaru said," I can give you saruta oranges for a year," but the beastman shook his head and refused.

The Elvan said,"I can give you selbina milk for two years," but the beastman shook his head and refused

The beastman walked to the Galka and asked awaited. The galka smirked and replied," I can give you a good Galka Sausage, bot only once," and the beastman scratched his chin thinking for a minute before agreeing.

The beastman went to negotiate for the Galka's freedom and the Tarutaru and Elvan asked the Galka,"Why did he accepted just one sausage when we offered years of products?"

The Galka grinned to them,"No one can resist the flavor of a Galka sausage!!!"

I've got one: What is the difference between a dragoon and a dark knight? None, they both suck at getting parties.

/em laughs loudly at Ram and Gargor.

(I'm cant think of any good jokes, so i'm using old bar jokes changed for FFXI.)

An Elvaan walks into the Lion Springs tavern, sits down and orders drinks. He drinks so much that he ends up vomiting on the ground. Before anything could be done, a Tarutaru walks in and slips on the vomit. Immediately after, a big, rough looking Galka walks in and slips as well. The Tarutaru looks at the Galka and says, "Dont worry, I did that." The Tarutaru didn't stand a chance.


A chocobo walks into the Lion Springs tavern, across the room, up the back wall, across the ceiling, down the front wall and then up to the bar. The tavern keeper gives the chocobo a drink. The chocobo consumes the drink and leaves. A Mithra sitting at a table looks perplexed and asks the tavern keeper, "Hey, whats that all about?" The tavern keeper replies, "Don't take it personally, he never says 'Hi' to anyone."

Elvaan walks into a bar, Galka walks into a bar, tarutaru walks on beneath